What the Holidays May Reveal About Our Loved Ones

After the holiday season, it is common for healthcare professionals to see a peak in calls from family members who are concerned about a loved one. This could be adult children who just visited their parents, uncles, or aunts, and they notice something that was or felt amiss during their visit. Maybe it was a new behavior like forgetfulness, agitation, or change in mood. Perhaps the home or apartment is not kept up like it used to be. We do not always pick up on these changes during a phone call or short visit. 

The holiday season is a wonderful time to reconnect with family and friends, especially our older loved ones. It can also serve as a vital opportunity to check in on their well-being. Here are keys things to look out for during your visits.

Physical Health

• Mobility and balance: observe how they move around. Are they steady on their feet, struggle with balance, or hold onto furniture when navigating their space?

• Weight changes: any significant weight loss or gain? Is the person eating any differently than they did before? 

• Medication management: are they taking their medications as prescribed? Are there any expired medications laying around? Are supplements taken? 

Mental and emotional health

• Cognitive function: trouble following along or recalling recent events. There might be noticeable confusion. 

• Mood and behavior: pay attention to their mood. Are they withdrawn or irritable (is this different than their usual personality)?

Social interaction and engagement 

• Social activities: what activities or hobbies are they engaging in or has anything stopped? Does your loved one know about community activities that are happening around them? If someone does not have access to a computer, they might not know what is happening. Can you join any community social media pages on their behalf?

• Community resources: there could be local community organizations who offer companionship or ride programs. Does the person know about what is locally available? Is the person eligible for care management or in-home service programs?

• Emergency plans: make sure there is a plan in place for emergencies, including a list of contacts and a clear understanding of what to do in case of an emergency.

Physical and living environment

• Cleanliness: is the space clean and well-maintained? 

• Home safety: check for potential hazards like loose rugs, poor lighting, and clutter. If there is clutter, what type of items is it and is it manageable? 

• Accessibility: is the living space accessible and comfortable? Is there easy access to essential areas like the bathroom and kitchen? Would motion detection lights be beneficial if someone gets up often at night? 

Financial health

• Mail: is mail opened and reviewed in a timely manner? 

• Bills: have there been any unpaid or overdue bills? 

• Living costs: have a gentle conversation about their financial situation. Perhaps come at if from a place of rising costs.  

  
  

Say you notice your parents could use a little extra assistance with household or outdoor chores. You could start the conversation by mentioning what you noticed, discuss your concerns, and offer to look up different service providers who work in the neighborhood. Try to alleviate any fear that there will be extraordinary changes to their lives. You could frame these discussions with the goal of helping your loved one remain in their home and maintaining as much independence as possible.

Of course, we should not jump to conclusions (unless there are safety concerns). The holidays can be incredibly stressful and expensive, especially for the ones who are hosting the get-togethers. That forgetfulness or temperament change may be the stress of the holidays and making sure that things go well. We can make many observations during this time when families are together. 

Unfortunately, this is not always as simple as a ‘spot the differences’ puzzle; some changes might be very gradual. This type of discussion is not ‘one and done.’ That said, a conversation with your loved one that considers his or her perspective is a good place to begin. We do not want to discuss this for the first time when we are in the middle of a crisis. Remember, being proactive is the key. 

Visit UPMC.com/services/seniors for resources and learning opportunities related to older adults and caregiving.